returning to work anxiety

I return to work in less than one week. I'm trying to think it will be good to go back, to get back into a working routine but I'm so, so anxious about it. It was a long absence while I tried to deal/cope with a relapse into (post partum) depression. Since the end of February I've been on three different antidepressants. In the end my own GP, who I seen in May, suggested I go back on the ones that I took for the initial post partum depression. I also found the strength to arrange counselling. This was a big step for me because I find it so hard to open up and talk. I'm so scared that I'll go back to work and not be able to cope. There's only one way I'm going to find out so I know I need to go back. I can't hide away forever. I'm also worried how my collegues will react to my return. I hope I'm just thinking too much and it won't be as bad as I'm imagining. 

I do have a plan for returning to work. I'm someone who likes to know what is happening. I don't like to go into things blind. I'll just take each day as it comes and try not get too worked up about the small things.  Maybe I should make up a mental plan to go with my phased return schedule. 

I'm going to miss my little boy a lot. Even though I was back at work for 11 months, after my 14.5 month maternity leave, I've really loved getting to spend all my time with him. I would love to be able to stay at home with him but, as a single mother, I don't have that luxury. I'll be fine and I'm sure my wonderful little boy will be fine with the arrangements too.

I really feel like I could just cry. I think I just feel overwhelmed. It was the same with maternity leave and once the first day was over it was a little bit better.

I have one last appointment with the counsellor before I take a break for a month or two. I feel a bit anxious about that being my last one for a while. I'm not sure I'm ready to stop counselling. I find that strange because I was reluctant to give it a try in the beginning. I really do feel the benefit from it. 

I'm getting there.