Why I've not updated

This is why I've not updated for ages....

They are as comfy as they look. 

More on CTS

The only thing that I don't like about this blogger iPad app is that I'm unable to "full justify" the text. This means no equal width for me. 

I'm really struggling with work right now. My wrists, hands, forearms are do painful that I'm not being very productive. On Monday I'm going to ask my boss to refer me to occupational health. I've not done this sooner because she's been on annual leave. Typing is horrific and clicking the mouse sends shooting pains up my forearm. I really don't know what to do. I'm scared to take time off because my work have a strict absence policy. I'm scared that I'm doing more damage to my hands because its getting worse. 

On the iPad it's ok because I can either move my entire arm so now putting too much strain on hands and wrists. At home I do have the luxury of taking as long as I want to type. 

** 

I wrote the above yesterday, I meant to come back to finish but it didn't happen. Once my bug was in bed I was mostly just chilling watching Castle. 

This morning I have much more pain up my forearms. 

I was hoping I would have at least heard back about physio by now. I know it's only been 11 days but I'm so fed up. 

Maybe it's coincidental since carpal tunnel is progressive but I feel so much worse since Monday when the doctor was pressing down on my wrists. I understand they need to examine me but ouch. 

I feel like I'm whining. 

Love you forever

Bug just said to me "love you forever mummy"

My sweet boy. 

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

I was at the doctors yesterday afternoon. I have carpal tunnel syndrome. I knew that's what it was but I was still hoping it might be something else, something trivial.

Excellent. 

I'd written before that it's been months but I've been ignoring it. The pain was getting worse so I made an appointment. Since it was an emergency appointment it wasn't with my usual GP. It was enough hassle just getting the appointment. Receptionist said she had to have the triage nurse to call me to see if I could even have an appointment. Luckily the nurse agreed I should see a doctor. 

Anyway, the doctor asked me where the pain was, where it was numb etc. then he done some tests that involved him putting pressure on the median nerve and then flexing my wrists. Ouch. He aid he could see the muscle wasting (atrophy) at my thumb so quite serious. Not feeling convinced a out the muscle wasting, could be just how my hands are. He has given me furosemide (water tablets) to take for two weeks. Again, not sure why since I'm not swollen. Apparently if this doesn't help he wants me to see an orthopaedic surgeon to discuss open release surgery... 

I thought that sounded extreme so had a quick google when I got home. I'm really not convinced about surgery at all. Isn't surgery normally a last resort? 

I've already referred myself to see a physiotherapist. I want to see if they have any suggestions. Tying a splint, whether night or during the day? 

I've looked online and under "alternative medicines" it was suggested that a vitamin B6 supplement might help. There was also acupuncture. Then more current medicine like steroid tablets or even steroid injections. 

The doctor booked me an appointment for 3 weeks but in all honesty I think I will cancel and see my normal GP. I know it's bit or miss when it's an emergency appointment but the shooting pains up my forearm were awful this morning. 

It's both hands with my right (dominant) side being worse.

Today at work it was horrible. Using the keyboard was painful. I could feel a sharp pain with every click of the mouse. I have no idea what I'm going to do. 

4 years ago

It was four years ago today that everything changed forever. Four years ago, in the loo at work, that second line appeared giving me the first glimpse of the wee bug growing in my tummy, where he stayed for the next 8.5 months. Fast forward four years and my sweet bug is happily napping. That life changing moment doesn't feel so long ago but at the same time I couldn't imagine my life without him. I'm so lucky and so truly blessed to have a happy and healthy little boy who is the brightest star in my life. 

More on nursery

So I never came back on Tuesday night to update. My wrists were too sore. Yesterday I handed in the self referral for physiotherapy. Just need to wait for an appointment. 

Here is some of what I wrote on Tuesday night in my sons book.. 

"Today we had a visit to the nursery you'll be joining in August. It's ******** nursery and is just along the road from your childminder. 

You loved it there today. You weren't shy at all and ran right in. 

First you painted a picture of a fire engine, then you were playing in the sand with trucks, diggers, mixers and spades. When I sat down you ran up to me and gave me a big cuddle and said love you mummy.

I'm so happy you had fun at the nursery." 

On the note of that book. My mum said he isn't going to bother with it because he's a boy and it's something that a girl would appreciate. Why?! What's to say my son isn't going to enjoy reading about memories in that book. Anyway, it's for me as much as it is for him. 

Yesterday morning bug was asking when he was going back to nursery. I'm really glad he's enjoyed it but I'm feeling rather anxious. He needs to have indoor soft shoes, there are polo shirts I can buy but I think I'd rather he just wore every day clothes. I'm anxious he'll get hurt or if there are any questionable staff. I know that nursery staff are checked but you read so many scary stories in the news. Part of me thinks maybe just wait until next year but then he was so happy so it's not fair for me to let my anxiety make decisions. Maybe I'll feel more relaxed come August. Maybe.. 

Bug has the cold at the moment. Still. Last night he was out of bed countless times. One of the out of bed adventures included pulling every tissue out the box. I just laughed and stuffed them all in one of the drawers. I wasn't sure what else to do with them. Another out of bed adventure involved pulling all the clothes out the wardrobe. I'll need to sort those later. Since it was late and I was tired I just threw them back in the wardrobe and shut the door. 

All part of the mummy experience! 

Anyway the sun is out so we might venture down to the park today to make the most of it. 

Nursery visit

I wrote this morning that my little bug wasn't feeling well. I decided to ask my mum to look after him rather than drop him off at the childminders. She agreed. 

My wrists, hands, arms were much worse today so I've picked up a self referral form to see a physiotherapist. My right hand is worse but when I do try to use my left hand instead I can feel the same pains. I will hand in the form to the clinic tomorrow. 

So this afternoon was bugs visit to the nursery. He seemed a bit brighter this afternoon so I decided we should go. It was nice - clean, lots of different things to do, friendly staff. Bug loved it. He starts in the middle of August. How is it possible my little, baby boy starts nursery in two months?!

** I will edit/update later, my wrists are just too painful. 

Not well

Bug isn't well. I think it's just the cold. Yesterday he wasn't himself and when I picked him up after work the childminder said he wasn't really eating. He didn't eat much of his dinner last night either. Just after 11pm he was standing in the middle of his room with two teddy bears saying he didn't feel well and wanted a cuddle. I gave him cuddles and some calpol because he was sounding quite hoarse and said he had a sore head. My poor little boy. I tucked him back in but not much later he was wanting more cuddles. I just took him into my bed and he fell asleep all cuddles up. He was up a lot during the night and then properly up just before 6am. 

My little bug is currently on the sofa, he didn't want anything for his breakfast.

This afternoon we're supposed to be up at the nursery for a visit. I hope he feels a bit better this afternoon because he was so excited about the visit. 

Hours of fun

"I love it mummy" 

Seriously. Hours. 

Finally have a sand pit

Sometimes I feel very aware that this blog is public. In a short time I seem to have received so many more visitors. I do feel quite anonymous since I don't use any names. 

Anyway, today I finally managed to get bug a sand pit. I had been checking stock all week at the nearest toys r us. I wanted to go there because the one I wanted was half price. Yesterday it came into stock in the next nearest store. I had no idea how to get there but I reserved it anyway incase I decided to attempt the drive. I had a quick check on google maps and it looked easy so I went this morning. Only one wrong turn with a small detour! Coming home was ridiculously easy and I realised the mistake I made so if we go back there will be no more detours. I always get so anxious driving in new places. 

On the way home we stopped off at the park for a little while. Bug is always so happy being outside and loves the park. To be honest he loves doing anything outside! Once he had been "swinging, sliding and going round and round" he was wanting to go home to play in the sand. 

Bug is delighted with it and spent hours just sitting in it in the garden. I picked up some little trucks that are designed for sand that were reduced and they went down well. 

Last night I went to catch up with my friend, L. We went out for dinner since it was a nice night and just back to hers. It was so nice to catch up and we promised not to leave it so long next time. I now have her hooked on Grey's Anatomy! I've known L for over 11 years and no matter how long it is between visits it's always like no time has passed. 

My right wrist, hand, forearm has been so sore. It's like a band of numbness around my wrist but I get shooting pains in my wrist that are going down into my hand and up my arm. I've had it for a while, initially it would come and go but it's getting worse and almost constant. I'd mentioned it to L and she suggested carpal tunnel. I had a look on google and I think it is that. Really should make an appointment with GP.

Paddling pool

It was so hot again today. Clear blue sky and the temperature reaching 21 C. 

Before 10am I lathered bug in sun cream (factor 50, apply once, waterproof etc) and we headed to the park. Bug loves being outside so he was so excited as soon as I said where we were going. We must have been at the park for 40 minutes. I was expected to be there longer but I asked bug if he wanted to go into the town for a walk and he did. We only went into a few shops because it was just so warm.   Just as we were leaving bug asked for ice cream so I popped into tesco where I also bought a paddling pool for the garden. 

The paddling pool was a great idea.  Bug was so happy. I don't have a garden hose so I was just running back and forth to fill it with water. Bug was very excited by this point and was following me in and out the house. Once it was full he just got right in there. Jumping and splashing. He then asked me to move his slide so he could slide into the water. We were out in the garden for hours. Every now and then he would come and sit with me but most of the time he was playing with the water. 

Just after 2pm he said he was sleepy so came in for a nap. A long nap. 2.5 hours. I woke him up at 4:30pm. After a quick cuddle he was back out playing. 

Eventually he came for dinner and a bath after 5pm. Not in that order ;) before we came in I emptied the lol which also went down very well. Loads of jumping and splashing on the grass. 

Lots of cuddles, a story and now my wee guy is asleep. 

A lovely day in the sun with my wonderful little boy. 

Cuddles

My lovely boy has been rather cuddly today. Initially we were up at 4am but bug went back to sleep until 6am. I was so thankful for those extra 2 hours. Thank you little man! When we came downstairs at 6am he was cuddling with me and bunny on the sofa. Later on he wanted his cover out the back to play on. I lay down on it and bug lay down next to me. Not for long - he soon wanted to play with the ball (throwing it to each other). 

The car had its MOT today. Bug was quite concerned that my car wasn't parked outside this morning. All was well once I explained it was at the garage although every now and then he would run to the back of the garden to check if it was back. Luckily no work was needed. One of the tyres is close to the legal limit but that's an easy thing to sort. Feeling very relieved, was worried it would cost a fortune. 

I wrote a while back I had accepted the nursery placement bug was offered. I did want a morning placement but only availability for afternoons. Anyway, we've been invited in next week. I've to bring his birth certificate so I imagine it's just to confirm we are who we say we are! Since bug is a March baby he doesn't start until the middle of August. Really not long at all. How is it even possible that he is three years old?! 

Times flies. 

On that note, it's coming up to that special anniversary of me finding out I was going to be a mummy. This time four years ago my little bug was already growing in there, I just had no idea. I thought the nausea and fatigue were just me coming down with something! Seeing the pictures of those positive tests just brings all the emotion back. 

I'm so, so lucky. I truly am. It's hard at times. I worry if I'm doing ok for my son. He is beyond amazing and I'm truly blessed to be his mummy. 

Prints

Hand print and foot print. Three years and three months old. 

Meltdown

So this evening bug broke his bed. Actually broke the bed. As in the beam that runs along the length is broken. Earlier he was having a meltdown over Lego (I'm not entirely sure what happened) and started screaming. As usual, I tried to calm him and told him to stop screaming. When he didn't I put him in his bed until he calmed down. Once he calmed down I went to get him and we came back downstairs. He was wanting outside but I said no because he was in his pyjamas. Then we went into the living room. I asked bug to pick up his bricks and he started screaming no. He did calm down ad eventually picked them up when he realised he wasn't getting anymore toys out. Fast forward to bedtime... I thought all was well once I tucked him in but I heard banging (jumping) so I ran upstairs but too late. Broken. I have propped up the base with a box so he can still sleep in it. I was so angry and feel awful now for shouting at him. I'm just feeling frazzled. 

He is happily fast asleep now. 

I really could do without the expense of having to buy him a new bed. Thankfully it will just be a frame I need to buy. I had a quick look online and seems much cheaper compared to buying a frame and mattress! My car has it's MOT on Wednesday and road tax due at the end of the month. Typical all comes at once. 

I really don't understand the "naughty" behaviour. Honestly, I don't. It's not like I don't pay him loads of attention and plan things for us to do. Today we done loads of painting. Even making hand and foot prints at bugs request. This involved him painting on his foot himself which he loved. The entire kitchen floor was a mess but he was laughing so much. Then he had a long bath, which he loves, then we played with the Lego (before initial meltdown). With the Lego, he always asks me to build towers. 

I'm just at a loss. 

I love him so, so much. I'm just frustrated, I just want him to be happy. On evenings like these it's hard to stop myself from wondering if my having postpartum depression has had any influence. Has his traumatic birth had an influence on him? I hope not. I hope it's just his age and he's just pushing boundaries. 

I was so upset once he was finally asleep. I think I've shaken it off now. 

Time for lots of tea and then lots of sleep.