I got a fright yesterday

As the title suggests I got a fright yesterday. A pregnancy related fright. (This is long but everything was fine)

I was at work sitting at my desk and I felt something weird so I went to the toilet to find that my underwear was soaking. It definitely wasn't urine and it seemed too watery to be discharge. It also had a very sweet smell. I didn't panic right away but I decided I probably shouldn't ignore it so I called the midwife. I have a 24 hour number for the community midwife unit. I explained to her what had happened but she thought it was better that I call the RAH because I'm only 30 weeks. So I called the RAH and they told me to put on a maternity pad and head up so I can get checked. 

My mum came with and I think it was just before 5pm when we got up there. The midwife had a feel of my bump to check what position baby was in and to make sure he was still free.  I was hooked up to a monitor so they could check the baby's heart rate over the next half hour. Everything was fine with that, he was kicking and moving around loads. After that a consultant came down to speak to me about what happened. The consultant said everything looks fine with the print out of the heart rate. She also had a feel of my bump and said my uterus is feeling really soft which is a good sign. She wanted me to wait so a senior consultant can come and do an internal exam. This was about 6.30pm she said this to me so I was ok to wait. 

I still hadn't seen the other consultant by 9pm and by then I was getting fed up. My mum was still with me so I went out into the corridor to speak to someone. I happened to find a midwife not doing anything (who was completely useless) and she said the consultant wouldn't be able to do an internal exam because I had a low lying placenta at my 20 week scan. I still don't get why it took her over 2 hours to tell me this. I then asked if I could leave but was told it was advised I stay over night so I could have a scan in the morning to check the fluid labels around the baby. At this point I didn't really want to stay over night - mainly because if they were that concerned about the baby why leave me waiting for over two hours. I was annoyed because had she said this when I first came in my mum could have went home rather than be stuck at the hospital with me until that time. I asked if I wanted to go home could I not go to the community midwife unit where I live. I said I could check for any more fluid when I was at home and obviously if there was anymore then I would come back. The midwife was really stroppy and made a huge thing about if I wanted to do that then I would have to sign something saying I was going against medical advice. 

I tried asking why they wanted me to stay in and this midwife just said she couldn't answer that. I asked what the risks were if I went home - again she said she couldn't answer that. I asked if it would be dangerous to myself or the baby if I went home - she couldn't answer that either. 

I was just frustrated. I know if my waters were leaking it would be serious. I just don't think it's too much to ask that a midwife takes the time to answer any questions I have or talk about any concerns. 

I agreed to be admitted over night. She then said if I did really want to go they could arrange a scan at the midwife unit but I said I would stay there. 

I didn't have any fluid loss, cramps, tightenings or anything else throughout the night whiwhich made me feel better about it all. 

Thankfully when I woke up in the morning that midwife was gone and it was the day shift! The midwife who was with me today was lovely. I can't remember what time it was when I woke up but she came in to listen in to baby again for a few minutes. I think after that I fell asleep again. When she came back in later on she explained she wanted to do some antenatal checks. She also had a student midwife with her and asked if I minded the student midwife doing the checks with her double checking. I didn't mind. It was actually good to hear them talking through to each other what they were checking for and why. The student midwife had some problems working out what position my baby is in but apparently that's because I have a small neat bump which is all baby. She said the bigger the bump then the easier it is. After checking my blood pressure, temperature etc I was hooked up to a monitor again for another half hour of monitoring the baby's heart rate. This time I had a button to press every time I felt him moving. As soon as she hooked me up he got the hiccups which was quite funny being in the background on the monitor. This midwife (her name was Susan) made me feel so much better and answered any questions I had. 

After the half hour on the monitor I had to fill my bladder and was taken down for a scan. The fluid levels around the baby were fine and he was measuring where he should be. His estimated weight just now is 1.5kg (about 3.3 lbs). I know you'll ask - I didn't get a picture. At the time I didn't care about pictures - I just wanted to know that my little boy was doing well in there. He looked massive compared to the 20 week scan and it's getting cramped in there. 

Guess what? My placenta has moved out the way of my cervix. Baby's head is lower than the edge of the placenta so I'm all set for delivery at the community midwife unit! 

So I was taken back up to the ward where two consultants came to see me. They just went through the results from the scan and assured me everything was looking fine but they wanted to do an internal exam just to see if everything looks ok. 

One of the consultants came back a while later to do the internal exam (forgot how uncomfortable they were) and she said everything looks fine. My cervix is closed and she couldn't see any evidence of fluid leaking. She did take some swabs though just to check for any infections but she was happy enough to discharge me. I've just to keep an eye on things and take it easy over the next few days and if it happens again I've to phone them. 

So hopefully that's that and things will keep quiet unti the end of February. 

I'm so relieved that everything is ok. I don't think it completely hit me how serious it would have been if my waters had completely gone. I feel really stupid now since it's turned out to be nothing but everyone kept reminding me it's better to be safe than sorry. 

29 weeks

29 weeks today ♥

It still feels like the pregnancy is just flying past. 

I'm still feeling lots of movements and kicking but it's getting to the stage now where it's almost painful. I can feel that he is running out of room in there. I just feel really tight and stretched and I still have at least another 11 weeks to go. It's more noticeable (obviously) when he's pushing outwards but I can feel him through my skin. It's a strange feeling when he changes position and I can feel his bones. Hope all this is a good sign he's growing well and getting strong in there. 

Since he's head down I'm getting a lot of kicks up in my ribs. I notice it more at night when I'm in bed rather than during the day when I'm sitting up. 

Sometimes it's still hard to believe there is a baby in there. 

Work is still hard going but I have less than a month until I finish up. (Bring on the 8th January!)

I haven't had a chance to take a picture of the bump today but here is one I took last night. 

I'll add my picture from today once I take one and upload it. 

So for now.. the bump yesterday at 28 weeks & 6 days..

Excusing the mismatched underwear. 

I'll be back later to add a bump picture for today so it's exactly 29 weeks. I just wanted to write an entry just now since it's Wednesday! 

28 weeks

28 weeks ♥

Hello third trimester! 

I had my 28 week appointment today up at the hospital. It went well. I'm measuring a week behind but the midwife, Brenda, didn't seem too concerned. She said she thinks it's just my frame because my bump is very neat. When she was feeling the bump to see what position the baby was in he kept kicking at her. He's head down - I hope he stays that way! I just need my placenta to be ok at my 34 week scan. She had a listen into the heart beat aswell and again he kept kicking at the doppler. His heart rate was 140bpm ♥ 

I also got to have a tour of the labour suite and post natal rooms. It's all been redocrated and it looks great. There is a huge birthing pool. Brenda also let me see all the equipment and explained it's only used if the baby has problems breathing when he's born but it rarely happens as you have to be low risk to deliver at the midwife led unit. She did say all the midwives there are trained to use the equipment if the need arises. I feel even more confident about having my baby there. 

I also got my form for the health in pregnancy grant so I'll need to get that sent away by the weekend. 

My next appointment is on the 30th December. I'll be 32 weeks. 

Here is the bump picture for this week.. 

Here is a bare one aswell.. 

It seems to look bigger uncovered. Or at least it does to me. My belly button is almost flat and my laparoscopy scars are stretches and feel really thick. I don't have any stretch marks *yet* but it's still early days for them. 

So 12 weeks until my due date. Unbelievable. 14 weeks at the latest until I meet my baby boy ♥

signed off (again)

I never wrote about it but my doctor signed me off work again. Nausea has taken over. I'm still actually being sick but it's not as bad as it was. The nausea is worse than being sick. When I can't be sick anymore it's just dry heaves which hurts my stomach and leads me to worry about the baby - even though I've been assured he is fine in there. 

I had another appointment with my doctor this morning - Dr D who is lovely. Do you know what really helps? She had it with her pregnancies so she understands. I've been given more stemetil (anti sickness tablets) but I've only to take them when I can't even keep water down. She did say I looked like I wasn't getting enough water - the skin around my mouth is really dry. I said that I had noticed that which is why I had come in to see her. I also mentioned that I'd been trying to drink as much water as I can manage - normally just sipping ice cold water and if that didn't work I was having crushed ice (woo for the ice maker on the fridge/freezer). She signed me off for two weeks. 

She did that I'm having a good time of it with the hyperemesis and the spd. She said that I'll be feeling fantastic when I have the baby and to keep looking forward. 

This afternoon I went into work to speak to my manager and our acting team manager. I had to give them my mat b1 form and the line from the doctor anyway so I asked to speak to them both while I was there. They agreed that I'm doing all that I can do and there isn't any point being at work if I'm going to spend most of my shift in the toilet! Since it's pregnancy related I'll still receive full pay. They also said that I've not to worry about being off work and to make sure I'm taking care of me and the baby. I still feel guilty about being off but I do feel better after going in and speaking to them. 

Physiotherapist

In my last entry I mentioned I had my 22 week appointment on Wednesday and was to be referred to a physiotherapist. Well I received a phone call from the hospital on Thursday afternoon and my appointment was this morning at 9am. 

That was quick! 

My appointment was with someone called Ada. She was really nice. At first she just went through where I was having pains. I said it was my lower back but coming around the front. It was hurting quite low down but was more noticeable when I had to bend down for anything and sometimes walking up/down stairs. Last night I kept waking up in agony and nothing seemed to help with it. 

Right away she said it was SPD. 

Ada went through exercises that I can do and she also gave me advice on how to sit, stand and things like getting in and out of bed. I did find it useful. When she was talking about sitting she said to sit on a pillow to make sure my knees are lower than my pelvis and things like using a rolled up towel to support my lower back. Even advice for when I have to bend down was putting one leg behind the other to keep balance. I've also not to walk too much and rest a lot. 

Aqua natal classes were suggested to me since it would be soothing and isn't too strenuous. I have a letter incase work give me a hard time just mentioning that the classes would be beneficial and I've been to physiotherapy department at the hospital. 

Since my job involves a lot of sitting she didn't want to give me a pelvic support because it would be too uncomfortable but if things get worse I've to go back and she'll give me a tubigrip support. 

She did say I've to go back as soon as it gets any worse rather than leave it to the point where I can't walk. She did mention that this is something that normally gets worse as the baby gets bigger but we'll just need to see how I get on.

22 weeks

I'm 22 weeks pregnant today ♥ 

I still have no idea where the time is going. I had my 22 week appointment today. It went well. I got to hear the heartbeat again and it was 145bpm ♥ My blood pressure is fine and I'm measuring right for 22 weeks. 

The midwife asked where I would like to have my baby. I said I really wanted to go to the midwife led unit  but I was worried about something happening and being 15 minutes away from the next hospital (the RAH). She assured me issues would appear early on and I would only be allowed to have my baby there if I was low risk. At the moment I am low risk assuming that my placenta moves up. She also said if the baby was on the big side I wouldn't be able to attempt the birth at the IRH. If the babys heart rate increased or decreased by a significant amount I would instantly be transferred. The only pain relief they can offer at the IRH is gas&air and pethadine. If I felt that wasn't enough and wanted an epidural I would also be transferred to the RAH. I did say I didn't like the thought of the epidural. The midwife said a lot of the time woman who have the epidural end up having an assisted delivery or a c-section. I'm terrified of forceps. I'm feeling much more confident about having my baby in the IRH after my chat this morning. 

I'm being referred to a physiotherapist. I'm having a lot of pain in my lower back and around my pelvis. It hurts when I'm having to bend down - for example to put my socks on and when I'm getting in and out the car I've noticed it hurts in the pelvis area as well as pains in the inside of my thighs. My midwife thinks these might be warning signs for SPD so I'm being referred to see if they can do anything. She thinks they'll probably give me a support to wear to take the pressure off my back. I'm not too sure when that will happen. 

My next midwife appointment is on the 2nd December and I'll be 28 weeks (scary stuff). This appointment is going to be up at the IRH so I'll get to have a tour of the labour suite. I'm looking forward to that. I can't remember if I've mentioned it previously but they have a big birthing pool up there aswell. It will be good to see it.

Anomaly scan take 2

I was back up at the hospital this morning for my follow up scan. I know I mentioned last week that my baby wasn't cooperating so the woman doing the scan couldn't get a proper look at his heart or the cord. 

I was feeling nervous this morning and more so when I was waiting in the waiting room. 

Everyone was absolutely fine and my little boy looks perfect. 

It was someone different doing this scan. Her name was Roisin. This was the same woman who done my very first scan at 5 weeks + 1 and also my follow up scan at 6 weeks + 2 when I got to see the heartbeat for the very first time. Roisin was happy with everything. She pointed out the four chambers of the heart. It was so amazing. She then pointed out the cord and showed me the blood flow. After she had checked what she was looking for she just took her time pointing out all his features. She was saying how full his lips are in there! He as really curled up again and apparently has lovely long legs. 

Towards the end she asked if I wanted to know the sex. I said last week I was told he was a little boy. Roisin said she thought the baby was looking girly so she called in someone else to try and get a better look. The cord was down between the legs. Eventually we got a really good shot and he is definitely a little boy!! 

I did say to her at the end I didn't care about the sex. I'm just so relieved that he is healthy and growing as he should be. She agreed and said that's the most important thing. 

It was amazing seeing him again. I won't see him again now until January when I have my follow up scan to check the position of the placenta. I did get another picture but he was moving so much today so it's a bit blurry. 

I'm just delighted that my little boy is healthy ♥

20 weeks

I'm 20 weeks pregnant today!!

I'm still beaming after yesterday. 

Seeing my little boy, my son, was amazing! 

I'm looking forward to seeing him again on Tuesday although if I wasn't nervous yesterday I'm slightly nervous again today. Even though she told me not to worry. 

To me 20 weeks is a big milestone. It's the half way mark on the assumption I don't go past my due date. I have a bit to focus on for the next few weeks. My scan again on Tuesday and then my 22 week appointment on the 21st October. At that appointment I imagine I'll get my mat b1 form which means I can get the work side sorted. 

I'm feeling the baby moving a lot more now. Still feels light most of the time but I do get the occasional kick that makes me jump! It will be exciting to see feel the kicks getting stronger over the next few weeks. 

I'm feeling really sick today. My left hip and down my leg is still sore so I think I'll be heading for a bath soon to see if it helps - I doubt it but will be good to relax anyway! My little boy is worth all the sickness and discomfort. 

I still can't get over being able to say that my little boy. Even though I knew he was a boy from the start it feels different in a way having it confirmed. 

Anomaly Scan [19+6]

My little boy looks amazing!

The woman doing the scan was lovely. She was talking me through everything. Everything looks completely healthy. What a relief! The baby wasn't cooperating when it came to getting proper measurements of his heart though so I've to go back on Tuesday for another scan. She said not to worry about it because he was just in an awkward position - he was head down facing towards my back. That was the only measurement she couldn't get. 

I mentioned at the start of the scan I would like to know the sex so if she gets a good view to point it out! When she was checking his bladder she said she thinks she can see boy bits but wasn't sure. After she measured one of his little feet and his leg she managed to get a good shot of between his legs. She said she can't say 100% but it was pretty obvious! I shouted out it's a boy before she said anything! 

I also have a low lying posterior placenta. I have to have this checked at 34 weeks so I have a scan for the middle of January. She also mentioned his head was blocking her view of some of the placenta towards the end. Since his head was low in my pelvis it must be quite low but I'll try and not think about it too much! 

It was an amazing experience seeing him today. There was a huge difference from when I last seen him at 12 weeks. I'm just so relieved he is healthy. 

My mum enjoyed the scan today. She said she was tearing up during it though. I'm glad I had her with me for it. 

After the scan we went out and I bought some baby clothes. Blue of course! 

I seen movement

As you've guessed from the title this is another pregnancy/baby related entry. 

I mentioned I was feeling the baby move and the feeling were starting to get stronger. Well today I seen movement! 

I was just laying down  - I was actually in the bath which is why I probably noticed since I wasn't wearing anything! I could feel stronger kicks. I just put my hands where I could feel the baby to see if I could feel anything on the outside. I could see these little kicks! It looked like my skin being pushed up! Very weird but another amazing feeling! I was just thinking yesterday when the flutters become kicks. These must at least be little kicks! 

16 weeks

I'm 16 weeks today. I really can't believe it. 

I had my 16 week appointment today. The midwife just took my blood pressure - which was fine. She also checked my urine and everything was fine with that too. The most exciting part was getting to listen to the babys heartbeat ♥ It took her a while to find the heartbeat and in those few minutes I felt myself starting to feel worried (even though the midwife kept telling me not to worry and that it was normal to take a few minutes to find). She found it eventually. The heart rate was 144bpm. It always sounds amazing! 

The next thing I have to look forward to is my anomaly scan at 19 weeks + 6. I really can't wait. I know I'll be a complete mess with worry nearer the time but for now I'm excited about seeing my baby again. I'm also excited about finding out the sex so I really hope the baby cooperates! I don't care either way about the sex as long as the baby is healthy. 

After the scan my next midwife appointment is at 22 weeks on the 21st October. That's 6 weeks away today. It feels so far away but as I've said before the pace is picking up. 

I still can't believe I'm 16 weeks. 

As I said yesterday I've taken some more pictures. I'm not sure these pictures are that great but I wanted to take some every week so I can look back and compare. 

Again I can't seem to manage to twist and take a side picture up close!

flutters

I'm definitely feeling flutters now. Last week (14+2) I felt something but I wasn't sure. On Saturday morning I felt it again but I knew this time what I was feeling without any doubt. I must have rolled onto my stomach when I was sleeping but it woke me up because it's really uncomfortable. Just before I moved I was feeling flutters really low down. Once I moved they stopped. I felt nothing since then until last night. I was just sitting up watching a dvd in bed and felt more of the flutters. I could feel them a lot longer last night before they faded away. Amazing. 

CUBS screening results

I had the CUB screening done at my booking scan. I finally got my results back today. I know I said I wasn't too concerned after the measurement being 1.1mm but I still had the blood results hanging over me. They came back as low risk!! I was expecting a little more in the letter but all it said was the screening came back low risk so no further tests are required. It's fantastic news though and definitely made my day! 

I bought my first pair of maternity jeans today. I was in New Look and a few maternity things were in the sale. The jeans were only £8 reduced from £22. I also bought those bump bands which I wear over my current jeans. This means I can leave my jeans unfastened. They smooth everything over so you can't even tell the jeans aren't fastened when I have a top over the band. The bands were in a pack of three for £5. 

That was a first for me. Actually buying something pregnancy related. I was trying to hold off buying anything for as long as I could but it creates problems when none of my jeans will fasten. Going up a regular size didn't really help - they are big in the all the wrong places. 

I was back seeing my doctor yesterday morning. I've to stop taking the anti-sickness tablets now that I'm able to keep water down. That was fine with me - I didn't feel comfortable taking them to begin with. I know the doctor said they were fine but I worry about everything. She seems to think the hyperemesis will clear up around 16 weeks so here's hoping she is right. 

the pace is picking up

I'm 14 weeks pregnant today. I've realised the crossover from the first to second trimester is a little fuzzy. 12/13/14 weeks? It's safe to say I'm there now regardless of where you look. I never thought I would get this far. I'm still taking it one day at a time. The pace is definately starting to pick up! 

The nausea is still here. So much for feeling better after 12 weeks. I think it's starting to ease a little now. I still feel sick all the time but I've not been sick the past 2 days. I'm going to see my GP tomorrow morning at 9am. The prescription for the antisickness tablets was only for one week. I'll also need to go back to work at some point. I've been off since the 7th of July. I do feel bad being off work but I don't want to rush back when I'm still feeling awful. 

I'm still waiting for my results of the CUB screening. I know the midwife said the results can take 10-14 days but I've just been wondering about them. The midwife did say if there was a problem I would normally hear within a few days. It's been over a week so I'm hoping that no news is good news. 

My next midwife appointment is now booked. It's the 9th September (09/09/09 - should be easy to remember!!). It's my 16 week appointment. As far as I'm aware she will listen to the baby's heartbeat at this one. 

I've not really used my doppler for a while. Even though I only listened to the heartbeat for barely 30 seconds at a time I get the feeling my baby doesn't like it. He always moves away from it or kicks at it. I'm still terrified but I have to admit that I'm feeling a little better about things since my booking scan and the fact I've now reached the second trimester. 

None of my jeans fit. None. My mum made a comment the other night about me starting to look pregnant. I didn't really know what to think of that. It's still so early. I'm not sure if it was because I was so slim to begin with. I have a surprise birthday party to go to on Friday night and I have no idea what I'm going to wear. 

I'm really not complaining. I just can't believe how fast everything changes. 

A few of you asked if I was going to post pictures of me so here you go. I do wish I had a picture taken before so I could really compare but I never thought this would happen. 

Dating scan

My dating scan was today and it was amazing.

I was just about in tears before the scan started because I was so worried something was going to be wrong. 

It wasn't. As soon as she started the scan the baby was dancing around. He kept touching his face with his hands. Everything looked great. 

[I say he - obviously I don't know the sex this early but I hate saying it]

I had opted for the CUBS. The baby was in the wrong position for this so I had to life my hips off the bed and jiggle them to get the baby to move. It worked. Initially the baby was facing outward but she needed him to be facing up. NT measurements came back 1.1mm. Three measurements were taken to get an average and they were all 1.1mm. Anything below 3.0mm is normal. A blood sample was taken as part of the CUBS but I won't get the results back for 10-14 days. I think with the measurements being that low I don't think I would risk an amniocentesis. 

The baby measures 59.9mm which puts me at 12 weeks + 2 days. 

My next scan is 6th October - I'll be 19 weeks + 6 days then.

Booking

I know I've not really been around much. I still think part of me is scared to write. 

As I said previously - as far as I am aware everything is going ok. 

I bought a fetal doppler and found the heartbeat last Monday (3rd August). I counted the heart rate to be around 166bpm. Fast! I've not used it loads. Maybe just a few minutes each day. It sounded amazing and was a huge relief when I heard it. 

I had my booking appointment today. A midwife, Irene, came up to the house to go through medical history and take bloods. I think she was only here for forty minutes. I have to choose between two different hospitals. I know I havea w hile to think about it but it was brought up today. The first option is the IRH. It's midwife led. This means if something went wrong I would have to be transferred to RAH which is at least thirty minutes away (although if transferred in ambulance assuming it would be quicker). I said to Irene I was thinking about IRH but then I was worried incase something went wrong. She said what would go wrong? Women have babies all the time. There are also risk assessments done. At the moment I am on the green pathway which means low risk. One thing she did say was since RAH is consultant led I could find myself in a bed hooked up to a monitor. 

I'll get to have a tour of both around 20 weeks. 

I have my 12 week scan on Friday. 

I don't know if I'm excited. I'm terrified. I just hope everything is ok. 

I don't think I really have any reason to think they won't be. I've had no pain, no bleeding, I've been really sick - which I'm told is a good sign. I seen a heartbeat at 6 weeks and I heard the heart beat nice and strong this morning. 

So roll on Friday. My scan is at 1:30pm. No doubt I'll be up at the crack of dawn that day. 

I've decided to have the screening done on Friday. CUBS - Combined Ultrasound and Biochemical Screening. 

I'll not update again until after Friday. 

Here's hoping when I'm back it's with good news. 

August Already

It's been a while since my last update. As far as I'm aware everything is fine so no news is good news. 

I'm finding it so hard to write just now

mix of things

Sometimes I still feel scared writing about it. It's hard not to. 

Morning sickness has kicked in. Calling it morning sickness is a bit misleading since it's all day and night. It started last week with just feelings of nausea which progressed to dry heaving (lovely) and now I'm being sick. I had to come home from work today. I really didn't want to tell work just yet but I really couldn't stay. My manager gave me a bit of a hard time about it because I didn't want to tell him. (he isn't really a manager he is only an acting team manager & his girlfriend works in the same department and I didn't feel he would keep confidence - if he broke confidence and told his girlfriend then everyone would know). I took advice from an actual manager first and she assured me that as an acting team manager it would be a sackable offence if he told anyone. So he wasn't happy I spoke to another first and said I should really be speaking to him and I can't speak to anyone else. I'm pretty sure I can speak to whoever I want to and if I don't want to speak to a jumped up acting team manager then I won't. 

Anyway.. I felt better once I was home. Mainly because I could be sick in my own toilet and I could sleep or just lay down when I felt really bad. I know I can't be off work until it clears up completely. The plan is to take it one day at a time. If it continues or gets worse I'll go speak to my GP. My mum had really bad sickness with both me and my sister. 

In other news I finally got my car fixed. I'm sure I've mentioned the oil saga at some point? Well car has been having oil problems since April. I wasn't driving it last week because it was making funky noises. I had forgotton how much I hate getting the bus. Just having to rely on a bus service and having to work my plans around their timetable (so I was only going to work and the hospital but still). On Saturday I initially drove the car into the next town but the garage I planned on going to was closed because of the holiday weekend. I nearly took it to arnold clark vauxhall but thought better of it *laughs* I remembered a garage in my own town I pass every day going to work. Fortunately the garage was open and the mechanic, Davie, wasn't too busy :) £15 later and my car had the oil valve replaced, 2 litres of oil and the latch to pop the bonnet fixed! :) 

The cd player/radio went into safe mode (I think 6 weeks ago now!!) and I've only just got around to doing something about that. Simple really - vauxhall have to order a code for it. I was annoyed because when they sold me the car they never gave me the code but I had to pay £23 for it. Not much was going to be done since I've had the car for well over 2 years now. I should have sound back in the car for the weekend!

That's what's been going on. 

I was saying to my mum today that it's starting to hit me that I'm going to be alone. I mean a single parent. It's scary. I know I have my mum, sister, family, friends etc but it's still daunting that I won't have a partner. When I was up at the hospital on Friday morning for my scan everyone had someone with them but I was by myself. I don't think I'd even want to be with Alex after everything that's happened. He made me choose between him and the baby. My mum asked if I regret it happened. I honestly don't.  I do want to have this baby. I didn't realise just how much until I was admitted to hospital, terrified the worst was going to happen. The relief at my scan on Friday when I could see the tiny heartbeat. I'm just overwhelmed and have no idea how I'm going to manage.

Follow up scan

I had my first appointment with the midwife on Wednesday. She was lovely and was understanding when she asked if I had a partner and my answer was I did but he doesn't want anything to do with this. This was a pre-booking appointment so not much happened. I was weighed and measured (1.69m and 56kg). She took my blood pressure but I have no idea what it was - it was fine though. I was also given lots of reading material. Various leaflets and a book called ready steady baby which I'm sure I've seen a website for. I have to read about all the different blood tests they do and screening etc. I also mentioned I was previously vegan but converted back to vegetarian once I found out. She gave me a leaflet about being vegetarian but I had been reading online about it. It's safe for me to take iron supplements but they'll check my iron at a later date. 

When I'm 10 weeks a midwife will come out to my house to book me which from what I gathered is just going through my medical history and any family history (illness, disorders etc). 

So that was that. 

This morning I was up at the EPAC for my follow up scan. I was advised to go with a full bladder but I was having trouble keeping water down this morning. I some how managed to drink enough water on my way there. By the time I was checked in I really thought I was going to burst. First thing was taking a blood sample. Since my right arm is extemely bruised from the IV last weekend she took it from my left arm and I don't know why but not it's all bruised and kinda swollen. Nice. While she was doing that I asked if it would be an abdominal scan or a transvaginal because I didn't think I could wait. She said she wasn't sure because she doesn't do the scanning. I think I had to wait about five more minutes for the scan but it felt longer. Turns out it was a transvaginal. The women tried an abdominal scan first and could see the gestational sac and something in it but she wanted a better look... I didn't care I was just glad when she said to empty my bladder! (sure you all wanted to know)

So this was my third scan. My last period puts me just over 6 weeks. It's still so unreal seeing it on the screen. I don't even know how to explain it. I seen the heart beat today. It was tiny but was flickering away. She also said I'm still really early and might not yet even be 6 weeks. They won't date that early so I'll find out later on. I asked for a picture. I did add that it's probably stupid because it's so small and I'm so early. She said I deserved one after what I've been through lately. 

I still have the cyst on my right side but it hasn't grown at all in the week. Both the women doing the scan and the doctor didn't seem concerned because it's so small. The doctor I spoke to, after the scan, said they wouldn't do anything about it anyway and doesn't feel it requires close monitoring so looks like I'll be keeping a low profile for now. 

My next scan is my 12 week scan on 14th August. 6 weeks away today.  I hope I make it to then. 

I will share the picture once I can scan it in ;)

Hospital visits

I thought I would update with what's been happening. This entry does have a good ending. 

Last weekend I had some discomfort in my left side. I don't even know if I would go as far to say it was painful. I noticed it and was worried (of course). I made an appointment with my GP on Monday afternoon. I just really spoke about what was going on and she tried to reassure me. She felt my stomach and said it felt soft which was a good sign. I left feeling slightly better about it. 

It was a bit worse on Thursday (when I was at work). Although it would go away when I got up and walked around I just sort of panicked. I phoned my GP practice again but the receptionist was very helpful. After that I spoke to the maternity unit at the hospital here (just over the phone). The midwife I spoke to said she was concerned and was happy to see me in person to make sure I was ok. She asked me to go up to see her in twenty minutes. I had to tell my manager about the pregnancy but he was fine with it all and arranged the time off. He also said it was confidential and would go no further. My mum was able to come with me to the hospital which was a relief. 

When I got there I spoke to the midwife again (who I spoke to over the phone) and she wanted to try a scan. She did say I'm really early on so might not see much. The woman actually doing the scan tried an abdominal scan first but couldn't see much (didn't help my bladder wasn't full) she pointed out something that could be the gestational sac but she wasn't sure. I was asked to empty my bladder completely and have the transvaginal scan (lovely!). It took her ages to actually see anything but she did find the gestational sac but couldn't see anything inside it although when she moved a certain way there was something there. She made sure she really scanned both sides, I have a small cyst on my right side but she thinks that could just be the follicle the egg came from. She couldn't find anything else. Even got a shot of my left ovary and there was nothing there. 

After the scan the midwife took blood and asked me to come back in 48 hours for another sample and then 48 hours again so they could monitor my HCG levels. 

The last thing that happened that day was seeing the doctor up at the hospital. (I can't even remember her name). Anyway, she felt my stomach again and said it was soft (same as my GP said). 

After that I left and went home. 

The next morning (Friday 26th aka yesterday) the doctor from the hospital phoned me at work and said she suspects an ectopic pregnancy because my HCG levels were too high. I asked what she meant by too high and she said at those levels there should have been more to see on the scan yesterday. She said it was suspicious of an ectopic pregnancy and wanted to admit me to hospital and have a laparoscopy to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. I asked her what happens if I have a laparoscopy and everything is fine. What are the risks? She said she is sure it's an ectopic pregnancy. When I pushed about the risks *if* the pregnancy was in the right place she only said well we won't be touching the uterus. (when I had my laparoscopy in Sept 08 I had really bad bleeding and cramping for over a week. Did that mean if my pregnancy was fine and I went under general anaesthetic and had the lapatoscopy I would miscarry anyway? I never really got a straight answer from her)

This meant I had to go to the RAH which is better equipped than the one here. My friend, P, was able to drive me up yesterday morning. I didn't know what to do and I was a complete mess when I left work. I couldn't stop crying and my breathing was all funny. I just couldn't believe this was happening. I some how managed to drive home from work. I kept asking why in the car (to whoever was listening). I left my car at home and P took me from my house to the hospital. 

I had to go through Accident and Emergency (A&E). It didn't take too long. The doctor in A&E was so much nicer. I explained I didn't understand why it's ectopic based on one hormone level and when they seen the gestational sac. She explained the hormone level was much higher than what they would have expected based on the scan so I might be further along and implantation was outside the uterus. My HCG levels were above 2000 (whatever units) at 5 weeks-ish. In the end she decided to take my blood again in the morning to see what happens. If it doubles then it's a viable pregnancy. If it stays the same or doesn't increase enough then it's ectopic and they would want a laparoscopy. 

Last night was horrendous and was truly one of the worst nights of my life. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I could only lay there and stare at nothing. 

It was just before 10am this morning the doctor came to check on me. No pain. No bleeding. She took my blood and said I would find out later this morning. 

More waiting. 

Eventually another doctor came to see me. Doctor Yusef. Again he asked if I was in pain - no. Was I bleeding - no. The only discomfort I had was in my arm from the saline drip. He felt my stomach and said it was soft (I know - again). He then said to me it's probably nothing but we'll do a scan. 

There was no attempt at an abdominal scan this time. Transvaginal it was. I seen the gestational sac right away and I could see the fetal pole before he even pointed it out. The first thing I asked was is it in the right place? It was. I just filled up again. Doctor Yusef did again check way to the left and the right (ouchie) and there was nothing there to suggest ectopic. The nurse who was in the room must have seen the discomfort on my face with all the pressure from the scan so she took my hand. 

After the scan Doctor Yusef said I could just go and didn't need to wait on the HCG results from the second blood. 

I have a repeat scan on Friday 3rd July. 

I think it was 2 hours later I finally left. My friend came to get me and take me home. 

Scary stuff but it did have a happy ending. (This entry might be a bit incoherant because my mind is still racing)