I actually feel worse now than I did a week ago so I'm really regretting listening to my hv and seeing my gp...
Tuesday, 30 November 2010
Tuesday, 23 November 2010
PPD
I was feeling a bit overwhelmed to update yesterday. To be honest I'm not sure I'm feeling much better today.
My GP was lovely. There was a trainee GP in with her too. When we were walking from the waiting room she asked if it was ok, at first I felt a bit anxious but then said it was fine. I did say I was probably going to get upset which is why I felt a bit nervous about someone else being there.
Anyway.. my GP diagnosed PPD.
She prescribed antidepressants (Lofepramine) Initially I said it was a bit scary but after talking with her we decided I've given it time and I'm not feeling any better. If it's going to help then it's worth while. She assured me that Lofepramine is safe while I'm breastfeeding bug. My GP also suggested that I go to a group to speak to other mums but she's going to find out more about that and speak to me when I'm back to see her - in three weeks time. She did say it's been a hard 8.5 months and that I've done well.
Bug was with me (obviously) and was smiling the entire time. GP mentioned that he was looking rather massive since the last time she seen him. Then she was explaining to the trainee that in the first few months he wasn't gaining much weight and about how strong I was sticking with the breastfeeding.
She also took some blood to check my iron levels etc although she thinks they'll be fine since I was taking the iron supplements.
I felt weird last night before I took the first one. I think I felt more weird about feeding Bug. It's hard to explain but I almost felt like my milk would be tainted and that I had failed him.
I do feel like I've failed him anyway. That's what I'd said to both the HV a few weeks ago and the GP yesterday. I feel so, so guilty for feeling like this when I have this wonderful little boy.
My GP was lovely. There was a trainee GP in with her too. When we were walking from the waiting room she asked if it was ok, at first I felt a bit anxious but then said it was fine. I did say I was probably going to get upset which is why I felt a bit nervous about someone else being there.
Anyway.. my GP diagnosed PPD.
She prescribed antidepressants (Lofepramine) Initially I said it was a bit scary but after talking with her we decided I've given it time and I'm not feeling any better. If it's going to help then it's worth while. She assured me that Lofepramine is safe while I'm breastfeeding bug. My GP also suggested that I go to a group to speak to other mums but she's going to find out more about that and speak to me when I'm back to see her - in three weeks time. She did say it's been a hard 8.5 months and that I've done well.
Bug was with me (obviously) and was smiling the entire time. GP mentioned that he was looking rather massive since the last time she seen him. Then she was explaining to the trainee that in the first few months he wasn't gaining much weight and about how strong I was sticking with the breastfeeding.
She also took some blood to check my iron levels etc although she thinks they'll be fine since I was taking the iron supplements.
I felt weird last night before I took the first one. I think I felt more weird about feeding Bug. It's hard to explain but I almost felt like my milk would be tainted and that I had failed him.
I do feel like I've failed him anyway. That's what I'd said to both the HV a few weeks ago and the GP yesterday. I feel so, so guilty for feeling like this when I have this wonderful little boy.
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
HV appointment
Bug and I seen the health visitor this afternoon.
19lbs 13oz!!!!
Now above the 50th centile! He was born on the 75th centile (8lbs 11oz) and dropped to below the 2nd centile but he's climbed his way back up!
HV also done some developmental checks - is he rolling, babbling, sitting. I sat him down on the floor for her and he was smiling away. She was also getting him to follow a pen which he soon lost interest in. I mentioned that he's trying to crawl. Overall she's happy with him. I don't have to take bug back to see her until he's a year now although if there are any concerns I can just call up and make an appointment.
HV was worried with how I'm doing.
She asked how I was getting on. I mentioned that I was feeling down, teary and then guilty for it all. I said I hadn't seen my GP yet because if I feel this way because I'm tired (from not getting a break etc) then I didn't want her thinking I was a nut job. HV assured me GP wouldn't think that and I should really speak to her. I felt myself getting upset and kept just kissing the top of bug's head :(
HV asked some more questions which I can't really remember but I had to do another one of those multiple choice things and my score was worse than it was before. She also asked if my ex had been in touch. He hasn't and I think it's better no contact than half assed contact. HV agreed.
Anyway.. I made an appointment to see my GP. It's Monday 22nd November. Almost 2 weeks away but I wanted to see my own GP and not some random temporary one I've never met before.
I wasn't sure whether to write about this or not.
19lbs 13oz!!!!
Now above the 50th centile! He was born on the 75th centile (8lbs 11oz) and dropped to below the 2nd centile but he's climbed his way back up!
HV also done some developmental checks - is he rolling, babbling, sitting. I sat him down on the floor for her and he was smiling away. She was also getting him to follow a pen which he soon lost interest in. I mentioned that he's trying to crawl. Overall she's happy with him. I don't have to take bug back to see her until he's a year now although if there are any concerns I can just call up and make an appointment.
HV was worried with how I'm doing.
She asked how I was getting on. I mentioned that I was feeling down, teary and then guilty for it all. I said I hadn't seen my GP yet because if I feel this way because I'm tired (from not getting a break etc) then I didn't want her thinking I was a nut job. HV assured me GP wouldn't think that and I should really speak to her. I felt myself getting upset and kept just kissing the top of bug's head :(
HV asked some more questions which I can't really remember but I had to do another one of those multiple choice things and my score was worse than it was before. She also asked if my ex had been in touch. He hasn't and I think it's better no contact than half assed contact. HV agreed.
Anyway.. I made an appointment to see my GP. It's Monday 22nd November. Almost 2 weeks away but I wanted to see my own GP and not some random temporary one I've never met before.
I wasn't sure whether to write about this or not.
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