Some more PPD thoughts

Just over one day left of 2012.

I've to see my GP next month and I think that's why I'm feeling so off at the moment. I just don't feel right and I think I'm scared about stopping antidepressants. For the first round of PPD I was on lofepramine for a few days shy of 6 months. I stopped them in May 2011 and it was about August/September that something wasn't right but I ignored it. I've now been taking lofepramine again since 1st May 2012. I'm scared of stopping them but I'm scared of feeling dependent on them. Of course I'll talk all my worries through with my GP but as usual I'm anxious about it. I remember at my last appointment in the summer I mentioned if it would be more than 6 months and she had said it doesn't have to be. I'm just terrified of deteriorating again to the point things were that bad. I know getting myself worked up about it isn't doing me any good at all.

Breathe.

12.12.12

So, regarding my last post, I did find the energy to put the tree up on the 1st December. Bug loved it and was "helping mummy" decorate. Everyday he has been so excited seeing the tree. Some of our neighbours, across the street, have put lights in their garden and bug loves to see them at night too. I think he's going to be devastated when it's time to take the tree down. In the morning he asks for his advent calendar but he's still not too sure why he can't open all the windows at once. I'm really looking forward to Christmas this year, bug is so excited and keeps talking about the tree and Santa and presents. I can't wait to see his face.

On Sunday night he was up sick during the night. My poor little bug. After being sick he seemed ok and went back to sleep. He was absolutely fine on Monday and Tuesday but last night he was up sick three times. I was running out of clean sheets for his bed and pyjamas for him. It's hard seeing him not well, he looked scared and was upset. It must be scary not understanding what's happening. This is the first sickness he's had that wasn't just milky baby sick. I'm going to give credit for that to my breasts for breastfeeding him until he self weaned just shy of 18 months. This morning he seemed back to his usual, happy self. He's currently having a nap. 

After nap time the plan is to drive up into a near by town to see all the Christmas lights. I know he'll love it. The Abbey will be all lit up as well so he'll enjoy it. We did have some snow last night and it's freezing so I'll need to make sure we're all wrapped up.

Hello December

How it is possibly December already? This year has been a very quick one. 

This morning but got to open the first window in his advent calendar. Since he doesn't eat any chocolate (he doesn't like it) I decided to get a playmobil one which makes up a Christmas scene. Today it was a tree with two squirrels. To be honest he didn't really understand why he couldn't open the rest of the windows as well. He's sort of forgotten about it now but does pick up the advent calendar to give it a shake every now and again. 

If I find the motivation I might put the Christmas tree up today. It's possibly a bit early since it's only just December but bug keeps asking about Christmas tree's so I'm sure he'll love it. 

Now that he's a bit older it's so lovely and exciting in the run up to Christmas. Every time a parcel is delivered he'll now ask if it's presents. 

I had a bit of a fright on Thursday, bug was refusing to put any weight on his right foot. Then when he tried he would be limping. Luckily he must have just been sleeping on it a funny way because the next morning he was absolutely fine. 

There have been lots of screaming tantrums lately. I know logically that it's just his age but sometimes I worry that he is having meltdowns because I had PPD and before the AD's there was a time when I wasn't happy. I know that's illogical, really, and it's not reasonable to think a toddler is going to be happy all the time. It's just one of those thoughts that waits for an opportunity to come to the front of my mind.