Where does the time go?

I can't believe that July is nearly over with. Where do the months go? Our childminder comes back from holiday so next week will be business as usual. I'm sure bug will be glad, he's been asking for her. 

I must have been feeling stressed on Thursday because my rosacea flared up, badly, for the first time in a few weeks. I didn't even eat or drink anything naughty. I'll definitely be having a naughty coffee tooday after work! The plan is to do some shopping with my sister some time after work. My mum has offered to watch bug since I'm needing to find new jeans. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get skinny jeans from Next that I can wear with my boots but you never know. Sister wants to look for a few things for L's birthday. Can you believe he's going to be one next month. How did that happen?!

Bug didn't want to nap yesterday afternoon. I think it's because he wasn't overly impressed we went to Tesco once I picked him up after work. I also had to stop off at the doctors to pick up a prescription so he wasn't too happy with being in and out the car. He done well in tesco but had a meltdown in the 2 minutes it took from my car to the reception. Meltdown complete with lying on the floor kicking his legs. When we got home it wasn't long before he was back to his happy self. He loves helping me unpack the bags and gets especially excited about bread. Yesterday he ripped it open so he could have some. No nap in the afternoon meant by 5pm he was wanting to go to bed. I managed to keep him amused until he fell asleep at 6:30pm while I was reading to him.

I stayed up late last night watching the Olympics opening ceremony. It was amazing and great to see but I'm definitely regretting it this morning. 

Work has been going ok. I'm looking forward to my annual leave I have booked for the first two weeks in September!

one of *those* days

It's just been a long day. My son was up rather early this morning. I don't mind early rises, I'm certainly used to them. I did mind the naughty toddler routine for the first few hours. I know he's pushing boundaries. I know he thinks he's funny. I'm still frustrated at times. Clmbing on the tv unit. Throwing toys. Screaming. Pouring his breakfast all over the table. Pouring water down himself. One of those days. 

I didn't sleep that great last night (what else is new?) so I thought ok I'll just have a lie down when it's nap time. Of course that thought meant that my son decided he wasn't having a nap today. That's the way the universe works! 

I think I'll be having a cry later in the bath. Cuddles from my son do help on days like this.

rosacea

So it appears I'm having a bad skin day. I have rosacea. My skin flushes a lot and to the point it burns. Using Liz Earle has made a massive difference. My skin still flushes but it's not as frequent as it was. I don't look like I'm constantly blushing anymore. Today is a flare up though. I'm not sure why since I've not eaten anything naughty. By naughty I mean anything that I know flares it up. 

Naughty things include, in no particular order, coffee, dairy (especially cheese), chocolate, and fizzy/sugary drinks. These are the worst offenders. Another one is alcohol but I've had a drink since 2009. Luckily cutting them out my diet isn't necessarily a bad thing!

It's a horrible thing because it's on my face so I can't hide it. Not many people know what it is. It also flares up when I'm stressed or upset. You know times where I don't want to draw more attention to myself! Another good one is when I'm too hot.

I keep yellow powder in my car (to take some of the harshness out but obviously can still see it). I'm also taking antibiotics. I've been taking antibiotics for a few months. They make me feel generally yucky.

It's just another thing I rant about often. Fortunately not as often now compared to a few months ago.

</rosacea rant>

so lucky

I'm so, so lucky to be a mummy to a wonderful little boy. My son really is the brightest star in my life. I love when he asks for a cuddle. I love when he asks for the covers when it's time for bed. I love how he asks for my hand when he wants to take me somewhere to show me something. He is learning so much, so fast. Sometimes I have no idea where the last 2-3 years have gone. It feels like just yesterday I was looking at that second line or seeing my tiny dot on the ultrasound and then it's bam! I have a child who has long left the baby days behind. I'm so lucky to be able to watch my sweet boy grow up. It's bittersweet and beyond amazing.

I didn't have the best day at work today but picking up my son from the childminder completely lifted my mood. I'll keep reminding myself of that when I'm at work. When I leave I get a cuddle from my lovely little boy.

last counselling appt (for now)

I had my last scheduled counselling appointment today.

It was interesting. She thinks I'm very sensitive to hurt and I'm unable (or find it difficult)  to process how I feel about things. She also thinks that I've not properly thought about what my ex has done and how much it hurt. That's probably true.

I don't really know how I feel just now. What a shocker.

It would seem when I was alone and pregnant I had two options. I could have broken down or I could have got on with it. I chose the latter. From her outside look it seems by doing that I've convinced myself things weren't that bad, I shouldn't have found it difficult etc and generally been very critical of myself when I've struggled.

I want to write more but I don't have it in me at the moment.