Breastfeeding

"How are you planning on feeding your baby?" Various midwives asked at antenatal appointments. It wasn't really a question to me, I always knew I would breastfeed. What I didn't know what that it might not be quite that easy.

I'm delighted to say that I breastfed my son until he self weaned just before 18 months. I didn't encourage weaning, in fact I still offered but he wasn't interested. For me self weaning was the ultimate goal, I just didn't expect it to happen that early but I feel satisfaction in knowing that I breastfed my son for as long as he wanted.

We had a rough start. I had a traumatic birth and didn't get skin to skin or attempt feeding until he was three hours old. (I had an emergency forceps delivery complete with episiotomy and a seperate third degree tear. I had to be stitched up in theatre with a spinal anaesthetic. Yes, a spinal anaesthetic after I'd given birth).

I asked for help and I kept telling midwives I didn't think he was feeding right and I was repeatedly told it was normal to think that. I was discharged before breastfeeding was established and it wasn't long before I was in agony with cracked and bleeding nipples. The hospital I gave birth in didn't forward my discharge papers to the community midwife unit (cmu) so no-one came out to see us the following day.

The second night home was awful. My son wouldn't stop crying and I was in tears because I was in agony and he was bringing up blood (my blood, from my nipples). I was crying with him at the thought of feeding him. I felt like an awful mother. I remember going into the kitchen, opening up the steriliser and putting a bottle in. In the time it took for the steriliser to sterilise the bottle I had slightly calmed down and phoned the midwife unit in tears and drove myself the half hour drive to cmu in the middle of the night.

The midwives there were fantastic and said my positioning was wrong. They showed me how to properly position him and they showed me how to feed lying down since it hurt to sit up. They mentioned he was quite jaundiced so kept me in until the morning. They assured me I was doing the right thing asking for help and couldn't believe I'd been discharged before breastfeeding was established.

The next day, a few hours after we were home, a midwife came out to weigh him. This was day four and he had lost over 12% of his birth weight, so it was back to the main hospital we went, he was seriously dehydrated so we were readmitted. I was advised to give him fomula top ups because of the dehydration, I really didn't want to do this but he was unwell and I felt like I didn't have a choice. My milk still hadn't come in so I was given domperidone.

We stayed in hospital for two more nights, until I was confident with breastfeeding. I was expressing after every feed to encourage my supply. My milk finally came in on day 6. Midwives said it was most likely down to the traumatic birth and I had lost a lot of blood (iron dropped from 11.5 to 7).

That evening we were finally discharged. I was happy to be going home but it was mixed with anxiety because when we were previously discharged that's when everything seemed to fall apart.

After our readmission I never used any formula but it wasn't an easy journey. My son was a slow weight gainer, dropping below the 0.2 centile line and my health visitor was pushing formula, even when my GP assured me he was healthy, she continued to weigh him loads and mention he should be gaining more. I didn't give up though. As a compromise I said I would express to top up his feeds but that made absolutely no difference to his weight gain so I stopped.

I did have mastitis on our breastfeeding journey but luckily just the once.

That night I was readmitted and crying to the midwife that I was a failure, that night I would never have believed that I would breastfeed for 18 months.

I think anyone who breastfeeds for any length of time is absolutely amazing. I was so naive when I was pregnant and had no idea that it wouldn't be easy (as least not for me). At my antenatal appointments the midwives mentioned the benefits but no-one ever told me it might hurt.

I'm so glad I didn't give up. I absolutely loved breastfeeding my son and I was sad when our breastfeeding journey came to an end.