I woke up this morning in so much pain before I even got out of bed. I'm currently typing (very slowly and on the iPad) with a splint on my right hand and the ice pack wrapped around my left wrist.
It's draining, both physically and emotionally. It's painful to help bug get dressed, make him breakfast, brush his teeth, tie his shoes, fasten him into his seat belt... This morning his toy dinosaur ran out of battery so he asked me to change it. Simple enough right? Well, no actually because I had to tightly hold it and then twist a screwdriver until the battery compartment opened. Annoyingly, I thought it took AA batteries but its AAA and I don't have enough. Things like that are trivial but aggravate the pains in my hands, wrists and forearms.
I'm due back at work on Friday. How is that going to happen? My job role will do nothing but aggravate it. I'm worried about going back but I'm worried if I don't go back. I don't know what to do. I know I'm going to find it difficult and after waking up in pain this morning (before I'd even used my hands at all) I'm even more worried about the level of pain I'll be in come Friday afternoon.
I'm also very aware of the fact that tomorrow it's been five months since I stopped AD's and I really can't let this push into another relapse. To be fair the depression I had before wasn't circumstantial, since it started as postpartum depression, but I'm still very aware of it. Maybe the concern is just from knowing that I'll always be more fragile now.
Typing this has taken forever. I'm so glad the iPad corrects spelling mistakes since limited movement means lots of wrong letters. Ice pack now warm and pain coming back in left wrist so time to stop.
You know im here if you ever need any help with Bug. I dont know how you manage day to day being in so much pain. Try and not stress too much about work. Friday is just to see how work goes .. if pain gets too much tell them you need to leave. Your health comes first not work.
ReplyDeleteI think with depression it will always be in the back of your mind .. because you've been there before. Like, you just need to try and work through it. But it will always be something you think about because you've been there before.
Sometimes I struggle with things because ive been through stuff before, like its a constant reminder in my head not to fall into the past. Hope your ok.
You know if you need a break I can watch Bug or if you need company im always up for some sister time :) x x
I agree with echonl regarding depression and work, health comes first over work, every time, no matter what.
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